By Sean Pearson
One day, when those intrusive thoughts just became too strong to fight any more, and the tinfoil helmet I Origamied to repel invasive radar waves finally gave out, I was inundated with ideas for ways to ride on the coattails of this infamous Hoka Hey Challenge Harley thing.
(I really don’t think I should have to stop and justify my usage of the word “Origami” as a verb in this instance. It is, after all, my column. I figure I can make up any words I want.)
Since I’m on a roll here, maybe I could not only make up my own words, but also invent my very own language. Then I could just talk to myself all the time. I bet it would save the world a lot of grief.
Anyway, I figure the next step beyond inventing my own language is being holed up in an isolated, dilapidated cabin in the middle of the woods.
Ahhh, the joys of country living.
It was within this translucent moment of lucidity that I realized my best financial move was to sink immeasurable time, energy and money into a series of follow-up races to the Hoka Hey Challenge.
I know, right?
Like you aren’t kicking yourself now for not thinking of it first.
Anyway, I think I came up with some relatively righteous and awesome ideas, and would certainly be willing to sell one or two for the right price.
The Hoka Neigh: Let’s face it, the hogs have been stealing the spotlight for way too long now. Time for the horses to step up. And they won’t be having any of that “riding in the backwoods, backstreets, remote trails” stuff. This 70-day “challenge” would pit cowboys against each other in driving a large herd of cattle through the winding streets of downtown New York. I can only imagine the lively dialogue and friendly interaction that such an event would bring. What could be better than a concrete jungle lined with cow patties?
The Hoka Hey Dontcha Know:
This event would generally have to be held in the Minnesota area, although it can often translate for Canadian riders as well. In general, the idea is to get through a complete ride, of any length and by any means necessary, without killing the Minnesotan that will be assigned to ride along with you. If you can make it through a series of irritating phrases like: “I went to the store today, don’t cha know,” and “Don’t cha know, he was one of those liberal fellas” and “I’m stuck in traffic again, don’t cha know.”
(This race could, in theory, be combined with the “Hoka Hey How’s it Goin’” Challenge. Just something to keep in mind.)
The Hoka Hey Dude:
California. Avocados. Surfing.
Need I say more?
I’m also looking into the possibility of developing the “Hoka Hey Jude” for Beatles’ fans. And for Latino gangsters, the “Hoka Hey Esse.”
Or maybe a special challenge for fans of the Little Rascals.
We could call it the Buckwheat “Hoka O’Tay” Challenge.
Seriously … I need to get out more.
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