by Aaron Selbig
The news last week that the International Olympic Committee selected golf – along with rugby – to be added to the slate of 28 sports at the 2016 Summer Olympics left at least one golfer ecstatic.
“I think it’s great for golf. It would be an honor for anyone who plays this game to become an Olympian,” said Tiger Woods last Friday, adding that he intends to do just that in Rio in 2016.
That’s all great for Tiger and everything – lets face it, he’ll probably win – and I certainly don’t want to be the one to rain on his Olympic parade. But come on, is golf really even a sport?
Now don’t get me wrong – I like golf. I grew up in Arizona where all the local high schools had golf teams. My friends and I used to make extra money fishing golf balls out of the lake at Royal Palms Golf Course and selling them back to golfers in the parking lot. Golf is basically just a fun – if occasionally aggravating – way to get outside and go for a nice long walk.
But I have to disagree with the IOC on this one. Golf if not a sport. Rugby I can see – but not golf.
I’m sure it would be an honor for professional bowlers to be Olympians, too, but we’ll never know because the IOC – wisely – has decided that bowling just isn’t a sport. Same goes for skateboarders, bullfighters and ballroom dancers.
Sorry, losers, you’re not a sport, says the IOC – the same folks who think synchronized swimming, trampolining, rhythmic gymnastics, beach volleyball, speed walking (seriously), dressage (something about walking horses) and modern pentathlon (fencing, pistols, horses, swimming and running) are all sports.
But baseball is not.
Maybe it would be easier for the IOC to avoid controversy if they just applied the Beer Axiom when deciding what is and what isn‘t a sport.
What is the Beer Axiom?
The Beer Axiom, which I just made up, states that if one can drink beer while participating in an activity, then that activity is not a sport.
The Beer Axiom would allow for the inclusion of baseball, football, lacrosse, kickboxing, broomball and possibly softball in the Olympic Games, while ruling out beer-friendly games like bowling, billiards, bass fishing, ping pong, beer pong, shuffleboard, squash, Yahtzee, pinball, lawn darts, regular darts and pole dancing.
And golf. Sorry, Tiger.
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